Chapter 6 : Cassandra's Prophecy

Chapter 6 : Cassandra's Prophecy

Scene 11 : The Letters

On the next morning, I wake up, Annie in my arms.

Vaguely remembering what happened last night and how she ended up sleeping in my bed, I try to move the arm under her ribs to leave the bed, but it seems harder than I thought. I kissed her forehead, trying to pull myself away from her. I end up managing to complete my task, walking slowly outside of the bedroom and going to the kitchen to make us breakfast.

As I'm preparing waffles with jam and maple syrup on top, I go back to see Annie, who doesn't have seemed to move since I left her. And at the exact moment where I sit on the bed before waking her up, she opens her eyes, looking at me, not with a smile on her face, but with the look of shame that I seem to remember a little bit now.

« Do you feel better ? I ask suddenly. You know, you can sleep in here every night if you want to...

• I'm good... and about sleeping in your bed, I'm very sorry if I woke you up at three in the morning. I just couldn't sleep... »

Because of that nightmare. I now remember what happened last night. I don't really understand what's going on in her mind, but she worries way too much, and I don't even know why I still deserve such priviledge from my ex-girlfriend. I mean, we haven't mutually decided to go back together yet, so why is it so hard to move on ?

Annie eats her pancakes without even looking at me, and we watch anime without talking to each other. I guess the feeling of shame will never go away, even if we really want it to, just because we don't seem to move on from our past confrontations – her more than me, we have to admit that, after all, I have a bloody amnesia ! – and apparently, Annie doesn't allow herself to have a new relationship with me.

What was her nightmare about ?

Was she afraid to lose me ? Was she thinking about the accident ? Did she think it was her fault all along ?

I mean, come on. It was an accident, right ? I would never try to leave her anytime.

Because I love her too much for that.

« Annie ? I ask her while nuzzling into her neck like a purring cat. Do you know how much I love you ?

• Of course I do, you big tree, was her only answer, her eyes still glued to the screen. It's just... I mean, you need time to find back your former life, and I need time to re-adjust to this... new situation. Speaking of which, do your memories go well now ?
• It's still a bit blurry for the last few years. Looks like my college education went down the drain, I explain, my arms around her. I mean, my instinct guides me for most techniques, but it looks like I'm just a weirdo while doing art.
• Or a magician, which sounds way cooler. » For the first time in the morning, Annie seems to relax a little bit, smiling in the process. « Because your work is pure magic, Cassie, and you know it. »

I end up realising what's going on between the two of us. It's clear, really ; it's just that we don't manage to communicate anymore, after this accident, after all my memories got erased. I told her, the other day, that my memories until high-school had come back, but the rest is still blurry and undecised, and these years will probably never come back. The only problem is, all of our issues started there. And I can't solve a puzzle if I haven't been given the instructions on how to make it.

As Annie has left the house with my mom to do some groceries, leaving me all alone in the apartment as my dad was working. As I'm walking through the corridors, I see a trap on the ceiling. Taking a ladder in the nearby closet, I go up there, in the attic, looking at some old things I could find. Knowing my family quite well by now, I know that if my family wanted to hide something from me, they would put it there.

I end up in front of a big brown box which reads Don't open. Even if the inscription is very clearly written all over the box, my curiosity takes over and I take it downstairs, to see what's inside it in the living room.

As I open it, the very first thing I see is a note. I recognise the handwriting as my mother's. It seems to be a warning note about what I'm about to find in that box.

« Dear Cassie,

You can choose to read the letters that are in this box, and be aware of the truth concerning the last few years about your relationship with Annie.

Or you can just leave it all here and never look at it. And never know the troubles you've been into, the fights you've created, and the truth about your break-up.

Both ways, I can't decide to choose for you. I had hidden this box from your bedroom here, in the attic, hoping that you wouldn't find it.

I mean, I just want you to be happy, and if that means you won't have to remember the bad things that happned to you, then I'll take this risk by deliberately hiding things from you.

Annie has told me multiple times about how she'd love to go back with you. She even said she would change her entire plans to stay with you, somehow.

But for now, she needs to work, and she needs to go back to Detroit until she has a plan B. So, you'll have to figure it now. And it's not by looking at the past that you'll find the truth.

It's by looking at the future. Because in the end, it is all that matters now.

Hope you understand,

Your beloved mother. »

I just put the note aside and started reading the letters anyways.

I looked at five years of letters, written either by me or by her, and also screenshots of my own phone. I don't even know why I have them, but they were practically telling the whole story in little messages sent from one another.

From : Annie ^_^

Don't even try to talk to me anymore, you fail. You don't even deserve my attention.

To : Annie ^_^

I haven't failed, I'm still getting a degree. What's up with your superior mentality you're having recently ? You've become so fake it's unreal.

From : Annie ^_^

Yeah, you won't get anywhere in life with your degree. You put yourself in this shit. Good luck to get noticed in this unfair world. Besides, does « staying small » make you superior than me in any way ?

To : Annie ^_^

I don't understand what's happening to you, seriously. Have the rich people brain-washed you during a lecture or what ? :)

From : Annie ^_^

No, they haven't. But maybe I should stop worrying about you. I mean, maybe you never wanted to leave this doomed town. What happened to « together or not at all » ? I thought you'd be out by now. And still, you seem to be happy in this shithole that is Glendam. I pity you, seriously. It's like, you've never even tried.

To : Annie ^_^

I tried. I failed. Life is life and you don't get to rule mine. Besides, you are the one who left and let me down. You actually prefer money and fame over your girlfriend. That's what I call pathetic.

From : Annie ^_^

I thought you'd leave with me, that's all. Besides, you were happy to see that at the very least one of us was leaving Glendam. I guess you're not anymore.

To : Annie ^_^

Of course I'm happy for you, you dummy !!! I'm just upset because of your sudden condescence towards me because I didn't make it like you did. What did I do wrong ?

From : Annie ^_^

Nothing. Forget about that. You never succeded and you'll never make it. Goodbye.

The other letters seemed to be in the same tone. She'd always say things along the lines of You're pathetic, I don't even know what I'm doing with you anymore and I'd always answer some things along the lines of It's not my fault, life is life, just let me live mine and live yours.

The main issue, according to those letters, is that we were supposed to leave Glendam. Together or not at all. Apparently, it didn't work for us. Annie left, I didn't ; she started treating me like a pile of shit, and I was barely breathing, as written in one letter.

That, and the distance between Detroit and Glendam, only added more tension between the two of us, until we broke up, four days before Christmas. I look at pictures taken when we would see each other. We didn't even know why we would be doing this, as we had bruises all over our faces, necks and arms. Now I truly understand Annie's fear of me touching her. When it reminds her of our physical fights rather than cuddles in bed when we were teenagers, I see where the trigger comes from and I won't deny it anymore.

The last letter I find is one written by me, and apparently, never sent ; as it's in the enveloppe and it was still close as I open it to see what could have been my last message sent to Annie. Maybe I haven't sent it because of the accident, and then, my mom decided to hide it, and I probably shouldn't try to open it ; but once again, the temptation is too great to let it pass. I need to know what I was thinking right before the accident.

« Dear Annie,

I can't do this anymore.

I can't live without you, and even if we broke up, I can't imagine a single day without you.

You're my ray of sunshine, my happiness, my everything, and I can't bare to lose you. Not now, after all we've been through together.

I stopped seeing the therapist a couple of months ago already. You've never seen one for that matter. Maybe you should try, one day.

Anyways. I'm not trying anymore. I can't live this life. Yes, you guessed it, this is a goodbye note, and I'm not even joking.

I'm just a burden to you, I got it. Just some shit on your shoe while you're walking to success. It'd be better to wipe it all out, right ? And get rid of me.

Once and for all.

Goodbye, Annie. And may you have a better life than me. Because you really deserve it, princess... more than me. »

« Hello there. Looks like you found about the forbidden box. »

My mother was standing in front of me. How long has she stayed there, staring at me in silence, I don't know, but she seemed quite... sad. Not mad, just sad. Nothing more and nothing less.

« I was curious, that's all... besides, I think you owed me an explanation for all of this.

• Listen, I tried to hide this box to prevent you from having negative feelings while getting back with Annie... », my mom tried to say before I interrupted her. « You know, Cassie...
• I'm not talking to you, mom... I'm talking to Annie... I think it's time to talk... am I right ?
• Well, if that's what you want... », she almost murmured while sitting down next to me. « Where do you want to start, Cassie ?
• I don't know... maybe why I failed in high-school, why you left me behind to go to Detroit, and how I almost ended up my own life... oh, and I need to know all your feelings towards me. And the story of that nightmare you had last night. Is that too much for you ?
• Well, you absolutely need to know it... »

Words : 2068 (Total : 23568).

Scene 12 : We Need To Talk

It was just the beginning of a very, very long conversation.

« So, let's start with the very beginning, shall we ? Well, we grew up with very tolerant families, so... we never thought about our love being disturbing to many. But we found out the truth... the hard way. When we arrived in high-school, people started to pick on us and bully us because... well, we're gay, am I right ?

• Yeah... keep going...
• We never thought how ignorant and hateful the world could be. We started questioning our sexuality... or at the very least, you more than me. You started asking if us being together was right... and you know, now, that it is, but you couldn't help yourself and keep asking those questions. In the end, it became a daily thing. Conversations between the two of us started going around that topic more than others, and even when you were in bed with me... you'd still ask this question. Are we allowed to do this ? And I'd say yes, of course, and I meant it...
• But I didn't believe you. That's what you're trying to tell me, right ? » Now, I started seeing the bigger picture, about how we grew apart. « But why did I do this ? I mean, now, I know that we're as normal as anyone else...
• We were younger, Cassie. The judgment from others seemed superior to our own feelings... But it only got worse as you started frequenting the wrong people.
• What wrong people ? »

Annie closed her mouth, took a deep breath, and kept on talking. She talked about the worst thing that had happened : the drugs. She talked about how I had frequented some very dangerous people from high-school, taking drugs in order to forget my own insecurities and to fit in a group that wouldn't have accepted me otherwise.

She talked about all the times I would sneak in her apartment, still high from what I had taken, murmuring slurs in her ear, and sometimes punch her. Of course she would fight back, but in the morning, I would apologise. And her, like a little angel fallen from the sky, she would accept those apologies, and she would stay with me no matter what.

She showed me an old conversation on her phone – apparently, I hadn't been the only one crazy enough to take screenshots of what happened – about a little text discussion we had back in senior year of high-school.

To : Cassie <3

Why are you doing this, Cassie ? Don't you see what you're doing to me ? A thousand times I've told you that what we're doing is right. How many times do I need to tell you more until you finally start believing it ?

From : Cassie <3

I don't know. Annie, you said it yourself ; you worry too much about me. Why are you still caring about a junkie who will fail her finals anyways ?

To : Cassie <3

Because this junkie who will fail her finals anyways is my girlfriend. That's all. I'm just trying to save you, Cassie... please let me try at least.

From : Cassie <3

You'll waste your time on me, Annie. Please don't do this.

To : Cassie <3

I won't give up on you, Cassie. I'll never do that. Promise me you'll keep on fighting. For us, alright ?

From : Cassie <3

Alright. Love you. <3

To : Cassie <3

Me too. :)

« So, when I Glendam, and you stayed in here, we started drifting apart, and I knew you'd fail your finals anyways. So I held everything in anyways, and I tried to distanciate myself from you, hoping that you'd let me go.

I know I've acted in a very dumb way, and that I treated you like nothing. I know, this is the shittiest behaviour you'll ever encouter in your life. But on the other hand, I had done everything to make you leave go to Detroit with me.

I had planned on studying litterature, and you, art. Even if we knew this wouldn't pay, we were happy, and that's all that counted. But you failed, I had to study law. While doing it, I looked for jobs that would suit your curriculum. But I didn't find any.

I tried to hold this secret for a while. I thought you'd be happy. But... you know, life took its toll. I took what people call boosters, in jargon. To keep the best grades ever, I'd be up until two or three in the morning, a picture of you on the corner of my laptop.

I was telling myself : yeah, I'm doing it for her, I want to save her and give her the life she deserves. But you know the consequences of being drugged all the time. You went to therapy, and stopped doing it, at the moment where I started it.

Needless to say how shitty I felt when I learnt about it. I mean, I was happy for you being out of this... but I was in. I started thinking that in the end, you never tried to make it out of there, which is wrong, because I know that accidents in life happen and...

And I had become selfless, I was doing it all for you... I mean, I still have a minor in litterature and creative writing, just in case. Just like you have a minor in accounting, if you look at your diploma over there. I had advised you to do it and you made it, for me.

So... yeah. In conclusion, I did it all for you, Cassie. The studies, the job that I hate, I live in a dumpster and I save so much money so we can both move out, one day. I never thought, not even once, that you were bad. You've always been my girlfriend and you will always be.

We had taken a break, not a proper break-up... that's why I felt like you being intimate with me was breaking the rules of said break. But I still love you, and I hope that you too, still feel this way... »

At this moment, I couldn't control myself anymore. I mean, she's right, I still love her. I'm pretty sure that doctors wouldn't understand this, but even when I didn't have any memories of her or of my family, I still loved her, for no apparent reason since I didn't know what had happened with me, but I guess that amnesia doesn't erase your feelings for some reason. As if your brain was trying to tell you who you used to love and who you used to hate.

Annie only gasped a little as I was pulling her towards me. Leaving a chaste kiss on her lips, I then held her in my arms, telling that of course, I loved her too, there was no denial in that. We both sobbed a little and laughed nervously, telling each other the truth while reading those letters that we should have probably left in the past. Maybe it was the time for communication, after all.

A couple of hours after the beginning of this conversation, we finally left my bedroom, and explained what had happened to my parents. They seemed very happy for us, and they only wished us the best as they prepared dinner while we played some Mario Kart.

In the end, a few days later, we would sleep together in our bed once again. We started kissing again, and all of that good stuff (including sex) that we apparently missed so much during the last few years.

Annie has promised me to stop those boosters, as she said, and that if she needed some more time before ging to work, she could stay in there and my family was very happy to pay her food and daily spendings, in counterpart for some work in the apartment that she couldn't refuse.

The only thing that was bothering me, was the fact that she'd have to leave at a certain point. She was now certain to be fired, even if she had kept sending e-mails to her boss to tell him that she'd come back. She had even accepted to do some tasks on her computer, right from Glendam, but she knew that it wouldn't last long.

Basically, I was afraid of the same story happening again, of the past repeating itself, as if we had never learnt our lesson, and that fate was just a bitch who didn't want to see us together. I even started looking for some new jobs for Annie, next to a house that we'd live in, and some occupation for me at the same time.

I was sort of maying my debt that I owed her somehow, and that I would have to pay one day. Because I had been a very, very bad girlfriend over the past five years and I had to make it up somehow. She had ruined her entire life and career, and her life goals, just for me, and I had done nothing in return but enjoy my life away from her, even if it was in this shithole called Glendam.

I can't even imagine the pain she's been through in order to make sure that I'd have a similar life to hers, and that we'd be both successful, happy and together. Only then did I understand the meaning of together or not at all : in the end, she had just delayed my departure from Glendam (or maybe I did, I guess we'll know), and the same result would be reached. Just a couple of years late.

Maybe I was too impatient a couple of years ago. Maybe the jealousy was over my rational thinking. Actually, she hadn't told me about her surprise and her wanting to save me, so maybe I thought that she didn't want to hear from me anymore. That, and the fact that she had cursed at me, probably explained our break-up.

But now we both see the truth. And I'm on my computer, trying to find something that could suit the two of us, but as the current sitauation of the economy doesn't allow us to have much, I end up looking for places that are very far away from Michigan.

In the end, I look at a little city in Florida, called Sandy Shores. It's next to Miami, and it looks like a little haven next to the beach. I mean, if the city is called Sandy Shores, you'd expect some sand at a certain point. In this little city, there was a little house right on the main avenue facing the beach, for a little shop of any kind, that is on sale until next week.

Not even hesitating for one second, I suddenly have an idea. Taking my laptop with me, I go back to the living room where Annie is watching some baking show I've never seen in my entire life. As she comes near me, she realises what I'm about to say. I mean, I've been teasing her for the last couple of days, telling her that I would find a solution for her, and now, there was an opportunity, and we only had one shot in order to benefit from it.

« So, you found something ? she asks, hoping that it'd be something affordable.

• Yeah... I mean, it's a little bit high in price, and I wouldn't really like you to pay everything on your own... I feel like I'm stealing your money while you're just sitting here, watching me robbing you. I don't know how to feel about this, Annie.
• Cassie... » She stands up and puts her hands on my shoulders. « Listen to me very carefully : I have a priviledge that you don't have. I spent years saving money for you, for me, for us. I think it's time to spend it. »

She lets a big grin on her face, knowing that our life was about to change. Finally, she opened her mouth again, only to ask me :

« So, where's this fantastic place you want to show me ? »

Words : 2056 (Total : 25624).