Chapter 2 : But I Guess There's No Choice

Chapter 2 : But I Guess There's No Choice

Scene 3 : The Awakening

I don't know where I am.

God please help me I don't know where I am.

Flashing lights above my head and around me, three paramedics telling me I'm alright, that I'm going to make it.

I'm apparently laying on a bed they've prepared for me. But this isn't home.

This is the hospital.

The scenery goes black again, and silence is made around me.

Once I wake up again, my eyes are blinded by the opened windows on my right ; in front me, on some wooden table, some flowers have been put there. Martha & Jack Miller, my parents. Annie Thompson, apparently, my ex-girlfriend. I can't read the others anyways.

A nurse passes by and asks me if I'm alright. She introduces herself ; her name is Patricia, she's married and she has two kids, a boy and a girl. She talks too fast for me to remember their names. She asks me if it's okay to tell my parents that they can come see me, now I'm awoken.

I barely answer the question by nodding my head, because I have no words to say.

I'm looking around me, and nothing seems familiar. It feels like my mind is blank, that some strange force has erased everything in it. A doctor passes by and explains me my car accident, how badly I was injured, how I stayed in the coma – two weeks, he precises – and how my brain damage probably erased most of my memories.

And she isn't wrong, after all ; even my own name sounds disturbing to hear.

A couple of hours later, I'm presented some food and drinks, and basically forcefed by Patricia, who's constantly saying that she doesn't want me dying on her. That isn't my plan anyways ; if I survived this car crash, it was for a reason, right ?

But everything seems odd, I don't know why, and I wish I could have my memories back now. I ask the doctor if it's going to be permanent, he answers that only my recovery will tell. Patricia reads me a story before announcing me that my parents are coming. With this Annie I don't seem to remember.

They arrive half an hour later, not saying anything, waiting for me to answer my first questions of the day. Bracing myself for the questions to which they obviously know the answer, I just tell them that I don't remember anyone anyways, and the doctor adds that my memory is dysfunctional because of the injuries.

I ask to stay with my parents, only my parents. I still don't remember this girl called Annie, this ex-girlfriend that seems a little bit upset when she's forced to leave the room. I mean, if she's my ex, that means we broke up ; in this case, why is she still here ? I don't understand anything at all, and there seems to be a cloud in my head, hiding me some things.

« Darling, look at some pictures, at the very least, my mom says while showing me her phone. Here we are, last Christmas, and here, during the previous summer. As you can see, Annie is also on some photos, so... maybe we should go see her, right ? Explain what the doctor just told us to her ?

• You're not forced, of course, my dad adds rapidly, but it'd be very polite of you to talk a little. Even if you don't remember her, she remembers you, right ? And Lord knows what you've been through, together... »

Okay, it seems that I've over-reacted a little bit. I tell them I'm finishing my meal and I'll join them wherever Annie is. I'm granted the access to my phone – that miraculously made it by the strength of the Holy Spirit – and since they have theirs, they promise me to text me as soon as they find her.

« Once again, you're still in shock, darling, my mom says before leaving the room. You're not forced to talk to her, it's just courtesy, a little hello will be enough, alright ?

• Alright. », I conclude before she closes the door, leaving me alone in my room.

Around twenty minutes later, as I finished my meal, I look at my phone again to see where my parents – and Annie – are. They seem to be at the cafeteria, ground floor ; I ask Patricia if I can go, and she allows me, since she considers this exercice, and she says it's good for my recovery.

I arrive five minutes later, and notice my parents in a corner, trying to calm Annie down. As soon as they see me, my parents make a little gesture of staying back for a while, before my dad stands up and comes to me.

After all, it seems that the young woman who was yelling half an hour ago is now crying all the tears in her body. She doesn't seem threatening, after all.

« Wait a couple minutes, please, he says while we sit down at a table. It seems she's in a little bit of shock, too ; all she's been saying for the last fifteen minutes is She doesn't remember me, She doesn't remember me, She doesn't remember me.

• Like a broken disk, I try to make a joke, but it obviously fails, given the situation.
• We explained what happened to you and your memory loss ; but... you know, things were difficult before your car accident, and she was hoping for things to turn out better.
• Like... because we had broken up and all that jazz ? » I start to understand, but it seems like they're trying to avoid some subjects. « How we broke up ? She was trying... to make it up to me, somehow ?
• Let's say that, for now, he continues while taking my hands in his. Darling... don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. You haven't done anything wrong, It's not your fault. There's just too much right now, I guess. We don't want to overflow you with memories you don't remember. We'll give you time to recover, alright ? »

I barely nod along, waiting for Annie to stop crying so I can talk to her. Tell her how I feel ; right now, as I don't remember anything and everything in this world is so odd, just like if I weren't meant to be in it somehow. My mom, looking up at me and seeing my gesture towards them, leaves me the place next to... well, I gotta admit it, my ex-girlfriend, as it's written on the papers and in the minds of everyone around us.

She doesn't notice me at first. I put my hand on her shoulder, to get her attention. Her body straightens and she shrugs it off. She puts her elbow between us, and doesn't seem quite responsive. I don't even know how to talk to her. I feel like talking to a stranger, really.

« Ummmmm... I don't know what to tell you, now you know everything that's happened to me... I just wouldn't like you to cry, you know... I feel shitty, like, everything's my fault and I don't even know why because I don't even remember what my life was before the accident. I don't know what my dad meant when he told me that you were trying to make it up to me somehow, but I guess... you wanted to get me back, right ?

• Sort-of. » Annie's answer is short, and barely audible between two sobs. « Bah. You don't even remember our relationship, so it's like... nothing happened, your feelings have been erased, my life has been wasted... And still, I can't replace you. I'll never do that, not to you. Do you have a solution to that ? Getting back feelings that don't even exist in your mind anymore ?
• I don't know, I admit in return... I've never thought about it that way. But we'll find our way, am I right ? I mean, there's still a chance I get back some memories, as the doctor said... right ?
• Bah. That's what they say to reassure you because now your mind is blank, am I right ? Just like a hangover. Except it's way worse, it's you life slipping away, not under you control anymore... and you're just lost. »

Fuck, that girl is right. Did I have a job ? What was it ? How was my life, in extensive detail, before I got into this car accident ? I start asking her questions, and she just tells me facts about me. A few words give me a little approximation of who I was before : punk, artist, music lover, Doctor Who enthusiast, total sweetheart. Apparently, I wear a lot of black and blue and she wears more white and pink, which makes everyone laugh because she is the rebel and I am the peaceful one.

In the end, Patricia calls me back to my room, and tells me I've seen enough people for today. She goes back to the front door with my parents and Annie, before she accompanies me back to my temporary bedroom. I end up falling asleep, trying to collect a little piece of my memory puzzle before closing my eyes until the next morning.

On the next morning, I'm greeted by Patricia, again ; she tells me that my remission is going better than expected, and that hopefully, I'll be able to leave the hospital at the end of the week. I don't way anything as she serves me my breakfast, only before leaving with a quick enjoy your meal on her lips as she closes the door.

Annie is still on my mind somehow, and she doesn't seem to get off ; I don't know if she'll pass by today, but I'd like to know more about her, since I was supposed to be in a relationship with her, in the past. How did I get in a relationship with her in the first place ? And why did we break up ? And why is she trying to get me back, in the end ? All of those questions were remaining unanswered, and maybe, if I politely asked her, she would answer me.

And yet, no Annie in sight today.

My parents bring me some cookies they've baked the day before after they had gotten back to the apartment ; I don't even know if I'm allowed to sugars while I'm still under all these tubes and various liquids, but I don't seem to mind as I'm chewing on a few of them, thanking them in the process.

I ask them a few questions about Annie and I, and they vaguely explain to me that my parents and her parents used to live in the same building. We still live there, but Annie's parents apparently decided to go some place hotter and their daughter left us to study law in Detroit, where she stayed as a finance lawyer. They just ended up saying that we broke up because we couldn't keep up her relationship because of the distance, and that as soom as she learnt about my accident, she had come to see me and had this idea to make it up to me, somehow.

Except that she didn't include my memory loss in her equation.

A few minutes later, they were already gone. Time flies so fast when you're with your loved ones, and as soon as they leave you, time goes so slow again, as an injustice done by some devilish force who wants us to only remember the worst and see the best as something unsignificant.

Only a few days later did Patricia come with some papers for me to sign, and my parents, and Annie (that I missed very dearly somehow, as if my mind was trying to tell me something), to announce me that I was free. I was going back home.

And now, Annie had some things to tell me.

2027 words (Total : 7231).

Scene 4 : Going To The Coffeeshop

Annie doesn't talk as we go back to our flat. The car trip is silent, too damn silent, and no one knows what to actually say.

So we say nothing.

As soon as the door is open, she goes to my bedroom and quickly takes back her luggage, asking my dad if she can use the living room as her new sleeping space. He just lets her do it, and the pact is concluded between two mutters.

So we really broke up then. She can't even sleep in my bed or something ? Well, it's her choice, after all, I'm not against it.

She even apologises for having slept in my bed as she takes her coat and hangs it next to the door, she says sorry way too many times, and I don't even know why she's even doing this. I mean, I forgot everything, so whatever grudge I had against her, isn't coming back into my mind any time soon, after all.

We barely cross pathes a couple of times a day, and still, it seems too much for her ; every time she notices me, she turns around, and doesn't talk to me. I wish I understood, but I'm pretty damn sure it's because of our breakup.

The thing is, I don't remember our breakup, I don't even remember how we got together, and damn, she's cute, with her ginger hair and her blue eyes. I now realise why I've chosen her and not anyone else in this town.

But since my life has been erased from my memories, I'm thinking, this could be it. I could just, you know, try to know her again, to see if things... could work, I mean... I don't want her to cry or anything. Late at night, when I wake up because I can't sleep, I go to the kitchen and take a glass of water, I can hear her cry under the sheets, on the sofa.

I really don't know what happened between the two of us, but really, I wish it never happened, because I don't want people to cry because of me. Especially not someone as close as Annie. Really, I wish it could just stop or something.

« Erm... I'd like to talk to you, Annie, I say suddenly while we're crossing pathes for the umpteenth time today. Like, right now, please ? I'd like to know what I can do to make you feel a little bit happier.

• Yeah, whatever, she replies while going back to the living room with me. Whatever floats your boat...
• I just... I'm worried about you. You don't seem to be happy with me, it looks like I've done something wrong, and I don't know how to even apologise, since I don't remember what I've done. It feels like I'm the villain in this story or whatever.
• You're not... I'm just giving you the time to re-adjust to your life, that has been erased from your mind, I mean, it must feel horrible to wake up next to people who've known you your entire life, and you can't even reprocicate the feelings they have for you, and that you had for them. I'm just giving you privacy, alright ? »

She quickly finishes her sentence, before going back sobbing, and I try to pat her shoulder in understanding, but she doesn't stop anyways. But suddenly, I get an idea.

It may not be the best, but that's all I have in mind for now.

« My dad... you know, Jack... he said that maybe, all of this happening is a second chance for us. Maybe we could... you know, pretend that nothing happened ? That we are just strangers who met each other and who want to know each other ?

• If that makes you more comfortable... that doesn't erase my memories with you, but we can try... I mean, he probably told you that I want to get back with you. Silly karma. When we were kids, we used karma at you when something bad happened to the other person, and karma at me when something bad happened to ourselves.
• Well, in this case, let's call it karma at us, I concluded before I stood up. What about we introduce ourselves properly ?
• Well... I'm Annie Thompson, I love culture, reading and all that jazz. I love music as well as TV shows and movies. What about you ?
• I'm Cassandra Miller, but call me Cassie. I don't have a specific taste in anything, but you can show me around, if you so wish... »

We then decided to have a walk around the town, as my mom had suggested us, and we ended up in front of that coffeeshop that we, according to Annie, used to visit a lot when we were younger. The music seems nice ; a little bit of old eighties' rock, which suits the theme of the place, a disco funky bar with tables all in front of it. The waitress waves at us, smiling, just the way she must welcome frequent customers and so on. We just sit at a table, before Annie opens her bag and shows me things, that, according to her, we used to both like.

« So... my favourite band is Muse... oh, and my favourite album of theirs is The Origin Of Symmetry. I also like Fall Out Boy and Green Day. Do you want to listen to some of their stuff ? »

I end up listening to all her music, not only what she was quoting, but also some clips from Doctor Who, Broadchurch and Sherlock. She talks about her favourite author, Stephen King, and also talks about Hannibal and other stuff. She talks so much I can barely remember what she's saying between her rant about Imagine Dragons, Florence and the Machine and Marina and the Diamonds, and also some book recommendations she promises me I'll read if we have the time to go to the public library.

For the first time since the accident, she seems to smile, to talk genuinely, and to be confident around me. I seem to like what she's talking about. In the end, I understand why I got with her and no one else around. She talks about operas, ballets and theatre, about Tchaikovsky, Oscar Wilde and other composers, she seems so passionate about it, and she doesn't seem to stop. I end up asking her how she learnt about all these artists, and she smiles, before answering my question.

« Well, I've only learnt from the best, Cassie, she tells me while fixing her hair. From you. I don't know if I'd know these things if you hadn't introduced them to me.

• Was I that important in your life that you kept all of this, then ? I ask her while pointing at her MP4 filled with millions of things I apparently downloaded for her.
• You were my girlfriend, Cassie, she corrects me, of course you were that important... Before life decided to separate us and circumstances declared our relationship impossible...
• Detroit isn't that far away, I believe... I mean, I don't understand what would set us apart... if you loved me that much, why did we break up ? Was it... because of me ?
• No... it's not your fault, it was mine, always mine. I let you down, I couldn't keep up, I left you behind and tried to forget you. It's all my fault, Cassie. And in the end, I'm kinda glad you don't have to carry those memories around. »

It seems, in the end, that she's hiding something from me. I don't know what, or why, but there seems to be more to our breakup that just the distance created by her leaving Glendam. But as I said, since I completely forgot what it was, I guess I shouldn't try to dig myself into this hole of the past, and let it go. It looks like it's hurting Annie more than me, and I don't want her to be sad because of me. I wish I could just take this weight off her shoulders, the burden of carrying our story that she's now wielding all alone, and it must be really hard to look at me while knowing that I don't remember the worst, but I also don't remember the best.

We finish our milkshakes, Annie staring in the distance through the window. Once again, I can appreciate her ginger hair and blue eyes, but also her pale skin and her very visible and also so adorable freckles. She's even prettier when she smiles, or when she laughs, and seeing her happy also makes me happy, like a sort of realisation coming from my recovering brain, although I can't seem to pinpoint what exactly.

A song from Twenty-One Pilots comes by on shuffle while she keeps showing me her taste in music, before she shows me a couple fanvids she's found on the Internet while trying to distract herself, she explains, from her dreadful and monotonous life. When I think about it, being a financial lawyer seems hella boring, so I'm not going to say otherwise.

But when I ask her why she chose such a boring job and not something she would actually enjoy – since she told me I had chosen to be an artist and I was really happy with it – she doesn't answer me. She seems uncomfortable with the subject, and even tries multiple times to drag my attention back to the music, or the little clips on her MP4.

« I remember some details about my parents, I suddenly say to break the ice once again after a moment of awkward silence. Some early details about my childhood. Nothing specific, though, just some moments shared together.

• What about me ? Annie asks monotonously, as if she wasn't that interested anyways. Is there anything about me ?
• Not at the moment, sorry, I reply while looking down at my now empty glass, but I guess it'll come by soon... don't worry. In the meantime, just act as if nothing ever happened, alright ? Whatever was happening, is gone now. It's a new start, and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do. »

I'm trying not to be that preachy, but in the end, I guess it's the only vibe I seem to send around anyways. Annie doesn't talk anymore, and I still don't know what I can do. I mean, here are the facts for now : She wants to get back with me, but she knows we broke up. I don't know if our relationship is going to work, and I don't remember breaking up with her, even less our relationship before all that. I just want her to be happy, that's all. Why doesn't she understand ?

I'd even happily re-consider our relationship if her head wasn't clouded with the memories of our breakup, goddammit. I'd do anything to make her happy.

« Well... Let me show you something, Annie ends up saying after we paid for our drinks. Let's go to the high-school... our high-school, where our lives went apart. And then, I'll show you why I feel guilty of letting you down here in this dump... Will you allow me to show you ?

• Well, if that's what you want, please, let's go... Do you want to take the car or...
• No, it's fine, we'll walk... I'll explain you our story during the trip. », she concludes, and we leave the coffeeshop.

The waitress just tells us goodbye as we're leaving, and Annie ends up blasting some Sheppard while we're going down the street. I don't know what that means, but if I didn't know her, I'd still know it must be one of these flirting techniques used by unexperienced teenagers.

I think that in the end, I'm on my way. I just have to know her again, to let myself fall in love again, and eveything will be alright... am I right ?

2028 words (Total : 9259).